Retrospective Lily

Lately, life has been harder for me than usual. Having a rare genetic condition (Friedreich’s Ataxia) that makes me clumsy and uncoordinated is bad enough without an ankle injury to boot. (pun intended, since I’m in a boot right now…ugh!)

In Sunday School yesterday, we read Acts 9, which includes Saul/Paul’s infamous conversion story. Saul, who persecuted believers in the early church, was called by God to follow Jesus and share the gospel message with gentiles. If you read the whole thing, you’ll see it was literally a “come-to-Jesus-meeting.”

Among the countless themes and observations I find in this story, I notice how Saul is cut down from high to low. Initially, he starts traveling to Damascus to continue hunting down believers and throwing them in prison; before he reaches his destination, God strikes him with temporary blindness so he must be led into the city.

So quickly, Saul goes from a position of authority – a person who instills fear in others- to a position of vulnerability, even helplessness.

We generally live under an illusion of total control over our lives – especially when we are on the figurative mountaintop or at least on an even-keeled plain. But when disaster and hardship strikes – health issues, financial issues, an unexpected tragedy, etc. – the veil falls and the illusion is revealed. Every moment and every blessing is precious, a gift. We don’t know what tomorrow might bring.

I rely on my trust in God to grapple with the existential dread that sometimes accompanies these thoughts.

It is also comforting to know that nothing, not even hard times, lasts forever.

Just as Saul’s blindness made him more vulnerable, and just as it eventually went away, my torn ankle ligament has made me more vulnerable, but I do believe it will heal at some point.

Sometimes, we have to walk through valleys. In the thick of the struggle, one might constantly feel defeated; it can make one’s outlook on the future bleak. Will it always be this way?? I can’t live like this!

Maybe my whole premise is flawed, since one could argue my having FA is a 24/7 never-ending hard time. But no one’s life is perfect. Most people have one or more consistent or permanent hardships they grin and bear. People really are resilient, huh?

When I say “hard times don’t last forever,” I mean ESPECIALLY hard times – dealing with problems we don’t always face. As depressing as it might feel walking (rolling) in a valley, I have hope that things will get better one day. I lean on Jesus as I await that day now.