Retrospective Lily

Those of us born and raised as churchgoing Christians may have much to be thankful for as adults or a lot of trauma to unwind as adults.

When I look back on my youth and everything I experienced at church, I feel so lucky.

Firstly, the old saying goes, “it takes a village to raise a child.” Well, the village that raised me was comprised with good role models who were both intelligent and loving – who had a servant’s heart and a capable mind – who taught me morals and values but were also just upstanding, productive citizens in society.

Secondly, and perhaps obviously, I’m grateful I was exposed to the message of salvation through Jesus early in life.

Thirdly, I’m blessed to have the background of church (in America, in the South) ingrained in me over the years. Here’s what I mean: I remember from Sunday School all those Old Testament Bible stories about Noah’s ark, Moses and the plagues, Jonah and the whale, Daniel and the lion’s den, etc.

And when the melody of a well-known hymn starts playing, I automatically begin reciting the words. I didn’t go out of the way to memorize all the Christian songs I know; it’s just a natural consequence of hearing them every week for many years.

I commend young adult Christians raising their kids in a nurturing, healthy church. For many self-identified Christians, it’s just not a priority. Now, I’m childless and won’t pretend for a moment to understand how exhausting it is to be a parent, work full-time, etc. I do wonder, though…

Are you okay with your child growing up and not knowing the story of Daniel and the lion’s den? Are you okay with your child growing up and not knowing the lyrics to “Amazing Grace?”

If you’re cool with that, so be it! But if not, maybe at least send them to service with grandma.

[Sidenote: that particular song is so popular in America that even non-Christians may know the first verse.]

Since that made me sound like an old lady wagging her finger, I’ll bring it back to reality by noting how many church kids grew up with a debilitating anxiety about hell, shame and self-loathing over their bodily urges (or just their bodies, referring to young women who were constantly reprimanded as “immodest”), separation from all things “secular,” and more.

Not every church teaches grace; some people take the phrase “God-fearing” very literally.

I acknowledge my complicity in harmful Christian sects just by participating in organized religion.

I hope people raised with bad theology and bad examples unlearn that damage and, by the grace of God, find their way back to a sense of spirituality. I hope people raised with life-giving theology and good role models continue to follow the Lord and give their kids the same opportunities they had.

Since those raised in toxic church environments likely know the same hymns as me, maybe someday, at least figuratively, we could join hands and sing together –

Amazing grace, how sweet the sound, that saved a wretch like me/ I once was lost, but now I’m found, ’twas blind but now I see

Then the second verse, to prove we really did grow up in church –

‘Twas grace that taught my heart to fear, and grace my fears relieved/ How precious did that grace appear the hour I first believed

[For anyone wondering, I was raised in and continue to serve in the United Methodist Church.]