Retrospective Lily

What kind of hand has life dealt you? What did you keep and what did you discard?

I enjoy staying at casino hotels. The rooms are luxurious, the pool is awesome, and the restaurants are high-quality. The casino itself is a huge arcade for adults – a dark room lit up by machines flashing and making noises, enticing the next player.

My preferred game is video poker. You get dealt five cards, you keep and discard whichever ones you decide, then you draw again. You win or lose based on the five cards you hold at the end; you try to get four of a kind, a flush, two pairs, etc.

Many people gravitate to slot machines, but there is no decision-making there, unlike with video poker.

[Obligatory sidenote: only gamble for the fun of playing – winning is a rare bonus – and NEVER bet with money you cannot afford to lose.]

The cards you receive in the beginning and again a second time are totally determined by chance. But you DO choose the cards you hold or give back.

I won the genetic anti-lottery when I was born with a rare disease, Friedreich’s Ataxia.

But back to the poker analogy – FA is only ONE of the cards I was dealt. I also received good cards, like a loving family, a wonderful church community, intelligence, etc.

I like to count my blessings. It sounds contradictory for someone like me to feel lucky. Yet I do, because my heart is full, and life is an adventure. I’m confident, I’m talented, I’m happy.

I had no say in the hand I was dealt. I wonder how involved God is in these matters. Does God dole out illness and tragedy as a test and a way to drive us closer to him? Or is it just a cosmically random event that God allows to happen? That’s a whole barrel of theology-discussing monkeys.

The poker analogy isn’t perfect. Most cards, like FA, cannot be traded in for a chance at something better. Often, we have to make the best of the circumstances because we can’t change them.

But sometimes, you CAN draw again for better results. Some unlucky folks were dealt cruel families, unhealthy habits fostered by a toxic upbringing, being part of a dangerous religious/political group from a young age. Those things can be discarded.

Like the game of poker, so much in life is out of our control. But the choices we make can change everything.