Petty Pity Parties (as a Disabled Christian)

Hi, friends. Do you ever wallow in your own self-absorbed pity party? Do you ever get frustrated because life isn’t fair? Been there, done that.

Shoutout to T.R. Noble for encouraging Christian bloggers to be more open and honest. Reading this post a couple days after writing it makes me want to delete it because it’s so whiny! My ranting should prove to you that I’m far from flawless, but praise God for mercy.

Having a disability like mine means having little control over much of life’s minutiae. For most, inconveniencing others is a consequence of an accident or laziness…either way, it’s the result of a personal decision. I, on the other hand, have to inconvenience others frequently for reasons outside my control.

A family member took something out of my car and I realize that after getting in? I now have to ask another family member to go get it; I feel guilty for making them walk up and down all those stairs again yet frustrated that I can’t help myself. A family member is taking a while to help me outside? Now I’m late; while punctuality typically reflects a person’s priorities, I don’t always get to decide if I’m on time. The laundry machine isn’t on my floor, so others must wash my clothes; they’re technically doing me a favor, but I can’t dictate when or even if some clothes will be cleaned.

Some of my pity parties are unrelated to my disability.

On vacation, my dad and boyfriend left my brother and me to converse with the relatives for a few minutes so they could have a smoke. My sweet aunt attempted to engage my brother in conversation, but he is often short to the point of rude, so I jumped in and kept the mood light. I love my family, yet I asked myself why I’m always the one who has to do “the right thing” like keep the conversation going.

My dad bought a footlong sub without consulting my opinion on the sandwich then tried to make me eat the other half all day. When I never ate it, he packed it for my lunch the next day. I’ll eat the dang sandwich, yet I ask myself, why am I expected to eat anything and everything when getting one of the boys to split a meal with me at a restaurant equates to pulling teeth?

I suppose the root in all these pity parties is feeling like I have no control yet always have to be the good guy–the one who eats the leftovers, the one who entertains the guests, the one who inspires others, the one who stays behind while the others go downstairs for a smoke or walk the beach at night because I’m a burden. At the source, my self-pity derives from self-sacrifice.

Incidentally, this post makes me really appreciate my mom because she is probably reading this and thinking, “Babygirl, you have no idea…”

Jesus Christ was sacrificed for the sins of an undeserving world, yet here I am, complaining about these miniscule sacrifices for my own family members.

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48, NRSV

We all have our pity parties, and they usually seem silly in hindsight because they are.

If we are humble disciples who fear and love the Lord as we should, we can repent for our selfishness and remember that self-sacrifice is our calling.

Blessed are the meek; for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5, NRSV

When he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that, free from sins, we might live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-24, NRSV

Thanks for reading! God bless you!

18 comments

  1. I’m prone to throwing pity parties for myself or at least invited to my mom’s too. It is at least cathartic though to use this blog or share with someone about your problems. I don’t always share all of my problems though, because I don’t want to seem whiny or pessimistic, but it happens. Personally I think it’s okay to share more, Jeremiah’s writings, half the Psalms, and much of Job are believers sharing their struggles. This life is never promised to be easy, but the one ahead is.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Lily, I am so sorry that you get frustrated. All i can say is that i LOVE you, and i try to be considerate of your wants and your needs. Am i perfect? No, but i DO care. (I also have to ask for help sometimes when it comes to carrying heavy or awkward objects, and it is not nearly as high a priority to the helper as it is to me. That’s just life.) I am glad to assist you whenever I can, but i work a full-time very demanding job so sometimes i am tired or frustrated, too. Always remember, I am as close as the phone. Love, Mom

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Girl, first off, thanks for being open about this!!! Seriously! So many of us, goodness, EVERYONE has had or is having moments like that! I’m in the same boat, and just TODAY was reminding myself, “It’s easy to see everything from your perspective, but remember you have to consider others.” In most circumstances, with most people in my life, people have good intentions. It may come off as wrong. It may be the case that the intention moreso benefits another versus us. But there was some intention behind an action or thought to do good. When I came back from college one year, my dad cleaned and organized my room, and I had a hard time with it because I had no idea where anything was, but I said nothing because I knew his love language is often doing things for people.

    When we need help consistently, it is so hard not to beat ourselves up about it. I see so many people struggling with this, and then I see the backlash of people reinforcing stigmas so it doesn’t help. But at the end of the day, God Himself is bigger than this, and He can handle these things. Whatever situation we are in, He’s with us too. I have to remind myself to focus on Him instead of me, my thoughts, or what others do and say.

    And thanks for the shout out! I’m so glad you opened up!!! Sometimes we need to rant!

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you for your inspiration! I took it to heart when you said that people relate to open struggles better than someone who is always happy or perfect. You’re right that God is bigger than all of this–the dependence, the tension, the guilt. All I can do is live in the Spirit day by day. 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      1. Amen!!! I’ve found that the posts where I tend to be the most open has gotten some of the best feedback and views. And it shows me why we need to be open and honest. Plus, God gets the glory at the end. So when we share our struggles, we can share His praise and His glory. When He places His hand in our life, we can feel it, see it, and then share it to encourage others. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

  4. I’m proud of you for writing this post. You’re allowed to feel all the feels, and this is an acknowledgment of that fact. I think it’s good to share honest feelings with others because it’s almost like a hug, in a way. You let me see the world through your eyes for a bit, and I learned from the experience. As I read, I gained a new perspective and also recognized your humanity: We’re all far more alike than different, and can easily relate when we share and listen. I don’t see it as whining in a negative sense at all. More like a gift of insight and a map for empathy. So thanks for that! Hugs back! 💜

    P.S. Seeing your mom love you out loud online made my day. 🙃

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thanks so much, Alison! We all have our struggles, and it’s good to know that even if we were all dealt a slightly different hand, we can relate with each other on the mountains and in the valleys. Hugs! ❤❤ and yes, my mom is super sweet and down to earth. 😄

      Liked by 1 person

  5. The truth is that most of us really don’t have the control over things we think we have. Oh, our egos say that we do, but in reality we all have to kow tow to something and often many times during the day. We do this in order to survive and don’t like it at all, but as we grow older it means less.

    Like

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