Hi, friends. Do you ever wallow in your own self-absorbed pity party? Do you ever get frustrated because life isn’t fair? Been there, done that.
Shoutout to T.R. Noble for encouraging Christian bloggers to be more open and honest. Reading this post a couple days after writing it makes me want to delete it because it’s so whiny! My ranting should prove to you that I’m far from flawless, but praise God for mercy.
Having a disability like mine means having little control over much of life’s minutiae. For most, inconveniencing others is a consequence of an accident or laziness…either way, it’s the result of a personal decision. I, on the other hand, have to inconvenience others frequently for reasons outside my control.
A family member took something out of my car and I realize that after getting in? I now have to ask another family member to go get it; I feel guilty for making them walk up and down all those stairs again yet frustrated that I can’t help myself. A family member is taking a while to help me outside? Now I’m late; while punctuality typically reflects a person’s priorities, I don’t always get to decide if I’m on time. The laundry machine isn’t on my floor, so others must wash my clothes; they’re technically doing me a favor, but I can’t dictate when or even if some clothes will be cleaned.
Some of my pity parties are unrelated to my disability.
On vacation, my dad and boyfriend left my brother and me to converse with the relatives for a few minutes so they could have a smoke. My sweet aunt attempted to engage my brother in conversation, but he is often short to the point of rude, so I jumped in and kept the mood light. I love my family, yet I asked myself why I’m always the one who has to do “the right thing” like keep the conversation going.
My dad bought a footlong sub without consulting my opinion on the sandwich then tried to make me eat the other half all day. When I never ate it, he packed it for my lunch the next day. I’ll eat the dang sandwich, yet I ask myself, why am I expected to eat anything and everything when getting one of the boys to split a meal with me at a restaurant equates to pulling teeth?
I suppose the root in all these pity parties is feeling like I have no control yet always have to be the good guy–the one who eats the leftovers, the one who entertains the guests, the one who inspires others, the one who stays behind while the others go downstairs for a smoke or walk the beach at night because I’m a burden. At the source, my self-pity derives from self-sacrifice.
Incidentally, this post makes me really appreciate my mom because she is probably reading this and thinking, “Babygirl, you have no idea…”
Jesus Christ was sacrificed for the sins of an undeserving world, yet here I am, complaining about these miniscule sacrifices for my own family members.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, so that you may be children of your Father in heaven; for he makes his sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the righteous and on the unrighteous. For if you love those who love you, what reward do you have? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet only your brothers and sisters, what more are you doing than others? Do not even the Gentiles do the same? Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” Matthew 5:43-48, NRSV
We all have our pity parties, and they usually seem silly in hindsight because they are.
If we are humble disciples who fear and love the Lord as we should, we can repent for our selfishness and remember that self-sacrifice is our calling.
“Blessed are the meek; for they will inherit the earth.” Matthew 5:5, NRSV
“When he was abused, he did not return abuse; when he suffered, he did not threaten; but he entrusted himself to the one who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the cross, so that, free from sins, we might live for righteousness; by his wounds you have been healed.” 1 Peter 2:23-24, NRSV
Thanks for reading! God bless you!