Retrospective Lily

We’ve all heard this saying: you think the world revolves around you! Even when we genuinely try to be self-aware, it’s hard to step outside ourselves and see from a different perspective…

…Which makes sense; one’s own mind is the only lens through which one can experience the world. It’s tough trying to see through another lens.

We all have strengths & weaknesses

I’m reminded of my impatient Physics professor. Bear in mind: I pride myself on being “book smart.” Drop me into just about any course and I’ll come out with grade A. (I’m arrogant – so sue me!) But my Achille’s heel is science, particularly science labs because I’m not a hands-on learner.

Anyway, as that teacher explained complex concepts and in turn received blank stares from the students, she would get visibly frustrated, as if it were all as simple as “2+2=4.” She couldn’t imagine seeing through a lens in which Physics wasn’t easy to grasp.

But, hey, maybe I’d feel the same way with English, my own major. Writing an essay is so straight-forward! All you have to do is decide what you are arguing and which points best support your argument, then write a thesis in the first paragraph to signal to the reader what your argument is and what the main points are.

For me, it’s a stroll in the park. Yet, the writing center at my university had students filing in for help all day, every day. I’m sure some of those students were the opposite of me – great at science or hands-on activities, bad at English, another kind of smart besides “book smart.”

(Thank God others are “rewiring electricity smart,” “survival skills smart,” etc. If the world ended tomorrow, I’d be SOL, but I could entertain us with nineteenth century British literature discussions.)

The perception of language is unique and nuanced

I’m also reminded of a tidbit from one of my Rhetoric courses – the way an individual interprets each word of a language depends on all the ways they’ve heard it used up to now.

You know the concept of figuring out a word’s definition through context clues? If you think about it, we’ve determined the meaning of almost every word we use in that way.

A baby can’t find the word “no” in a dictionary. But through context clues – along with lived experience and body language – they learn what “no” means before they can even speak.

Others experience the world differently

A couple takeaways –

Firstly, if we understand that context clues, lived experience and body language all contribute to the way someone interprets language, it makes sense why communication break-downs happen.

Secondly, if we think of my Physics vs. English example, we can understand how other’s world-perceiving lenses differ from ours, yet neither of us are completely right or completely wrong.

Thirdly, the point I am finally getting to – a little grace goes a long way.

How these ideas can make us more gracious in relationships & social encounters

Realizing others A. can easily misunderstand our words and B. likely see the world through another lens makes it easier to extend grace.

An example regarding social encounters –

A lot of people have terrible road rage. It’s understandable because driving in traffic is stressful. But we make it worse if we assume every driver who does something rude/annoying is intentionally affronting us. There is wisdom in this saying: Do not attribute to hostility what is most likely ignorance.

The bad driver is probably in their own head, thinking about their own life and their own problems.

For almost all of us, part of seeing through our own lens is thinking a little too highly of our own importance.

Instead of assuming they cut us off just to ruin our day for thirty seconds, we could be gracious and wonder if they are mentally preoccupied with a problem at home or work.

~

I struggle to step away from my lens of perception. But I’ve found it helps to observe other people and learn from their dynamics. 

Watching other people’s lenses CLASH (in simpler terms, watching two people disagree and acknowledging they both have fair points) makes me realize the faults in my own lens, then I translate that insight to all my relationships.

Finally, stepping back and being humble is almost impossible in the heat of the moment, but it can change the trajectory of a situation. A well-timed “I’m sorry” can transform and redeem a misunderstanding.

A little grace goes a long way.